Apologetics
How to Have an Effective Conversation
Apologetics means “reasoned arguments or writings in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine”. So, in regard to pro-life, it is reasoned statements that justify the pro-life view that abortion is wrong. Equal Rights Institute (ERI)is dedicated to training
pro-life advocates “to think clearly, reason honestly, and argue persuasively.” We will not make any attempt to duplicate their work. They have a blog and an online course that include much more information than is contained here. Live Action also has helpful information. There are also books such as What to Say When by Shawn Carney and Steve Karlen, and The Case for Life by Scott Klusendorf.
Presented here are some basic principles for an effective conversation, and some examples of reasoning that show the falsehood of common pro-choice slogans or statements. Much of this material is taken from ERI and other sources. More important than the facts that can refute the pro-choice
stand is the need to avoid an adversarial environment of “I’m right; you’re wrong!” No matter how reasonable your argument is, it is unlikely that someone will listen openly if they feel they have to defend their point of view, or “lose” the argument. So how do we do that?
- Listen. Don’t interrupt. Don’t ignore what they are saying but really listen to understand why they have their opinion. Don’t shy away from agreeing with anything they say but acknowledge the difficult situations that women are presented with. There are many resources for good listening skills, such as 10 Steps To Effective Listening
- Show love. Stay relaxed, calm and friendly. Don’t be judgmental, condescending, or confrontational. Treat them the way you would like to be treated.
- Find Common Ground. Find something in their opinion that you can agree on. “Yes, I agree that single mothers are often in a very difficult situation, especially if they don’t have support from their partners or family members. They would need affordable day care in order to continue in school and/or work to support herself and her child.” Voicing your agreement lets them know that you listened, understood, and are in agreement.
- Get to the Real Question: Does the preborn child have the same right to life as all other human beings? After you have responded to whatever slogan or reasoning they present, you need to try to get to the real question. With the example above, you would note that one could expect some very difficult consequences of having a baby, but there are also consequences for abortion. Another option for the mother is to use the help that is available from pregnancy centers and others to allow her to continue school or work without having to sacrifice her child.
Example 1. “My body, my choice.” They usually mean “I have the right to control my body,” or “I have the right to refuse the use of my body. If I am asked to donate a kidney, I have the right to say no, and I did not consent to the use of my uterus by this fetus.
- I have the right to control my body.” OK. I agree that we all have the right to control our bodies. I have the right to swing my arm around. But what about when my fist reaches your nose? Doesn’t my right end when I infringe on someone’s else’s right?
- “I have the right to refuse the use of my body.” I agree that you absolutely have the right to refuse to donate a kidney. But is that the right analogy? If you don’t donate your kidney, you are not directly causing the death of the person needing the kidney. (He could live with dialysis or perhaps get a kidney from someone else.) Also, donating a kidney is not a natural use of your body. Your uterus is designed specifically to nurture a child, so it is just performing its natural function. “But I did not give this child permission to ….
- Suppose you have a boat. A young child has somehow wandered onto your boat, but you don’t discover him until you are out to sea. He has no right to be on your boat, but there is no one else to take care of him. Does that mean you can throw him overboard? “No, of course not, but a fetus is not a child”. OK now we are getting to the real question; does the child in the womb have the same right to life as someone already born?
Example 2. “Don’t impose your morality on me; you can’t judge me.” I agree that there are many cases where we can’t judge. [Jesus says not to judge.] We don’t know the whole story, only God knows the person’s heart and all the circumstances.
But when society makes laws against stealing or assault, is that judgment or protection of potential victims? We are not judging women who have abortions. Only God knows all the difficulty they were facing, if felt like they had no choice, or if they were coerced by others. Pregnancy centers help women to find the help they need and offer help themselves to provide the support they need to feel able to provide for their baby. They may decide they need an adoption plan to provide their baby with a good home. And for women who are suffering after the abortion there are healing ministries to help them find forgiveness and peace.
So we can’t judge a person who steals food when they are hungry. And we can’t judge a woman who has an abortion because we don’t know all the circumstances or if she really felt like she had no choice. But while we can’t judge the person, we can still judge the act of stealing, and act to protect the weak from stronger people who would take advantage of them. So the real question is if the fetus deserves the same protection from harm as people who are born.
Do you believe in equal rights for all people? That their skin color or language, or country of origin should not affect their equal right to education, consideration for jobs, etc.? “Of course!” So does it seem right that EQUAL rights must be tied to something we all share equally, not things that differ from one person or another. Does that make sense? “Yeah, I guess so.” So we can look at whether the preborn child differs from those who are born only by some of the same things that differ from one born person to another, or if they have some fundamental difference that might justify treating them differently. It is generally agreed that preborn children differ from other humans in four ways, and the acronym SLED is used to list them.
- Size, and Level of Development. Obviously, toddlers are smaller, and some adults are smaller than others, but they have the same rights as bigger people, right? And adults are at a higher stage of development than 8 yr-olds, but they both have the same right to life, right?
- Environment. The preborn are of course inside the womb and we are outside. But my nature doesn’t change if I am in water or out of water, right? Where I exist or what is outside of me does not change my nature.
- Degree of dependency: Preborn children are clearly much more dependent on mom than those who are born. But an infant is still very dependent on someone taking care of them, and a 5 year old is less dependent than an infant but more dependent than an adult. Adults can be dependent on dialysis or insulin. So, doesn’t dependency also vary among people who are born?
So, the only thing we all share equally is our humanity. Preborn humans are certainly human, just at a much lower level of development than other humans.